


Chicken and the Toad

by itsmeyaboi_redacted1



Category: KFC "Colonel Sanders" Commercials, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Hurt Colonel Sanders, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmeyaboi_redacted1/pseuds/itsmeyaboi_redacted1
Summary: Yoda was slowly approaching, nervously looking at him. Sanders sneezed on Yoda, and Yoda smiled lovingly at him.
Relationships: Colonel Sanders (KFC)/Yoda (Star Wars)
Kudos: 2





	Chicken and the Toad

**Author's Note:**

> This was made before KFC made Colonel Sanders sexy. This was considered a lost text until it was finally found! It was made years ago for a class assignment, and my teacher described it as being "smut" (it is not).

Glenhaven. A small suburban American neighborhood where everyone is friendly, and Colonel Sanders hated it. He hated when people would try to talk to him, and he especially hated when that small green dude Yoda would try and talk to him. Yoda always threw his cloak at poor Sanders KFC. He's trying to run a business!  
One day when Sanders was sitting in front of his red and white striped bucket house, Yoda walked up to him, a red covering his disgusting green face. Yoda was flustered. He had been wanting to tell Colonel Sanders, that sexy man, something for a very long time. Yoda loved him. His wire glasses, his white head of hair, the double chin accentuating the chicken crumbs in his white beard and his tailored white suit.  
Yoda was slowly approaching, nervously looking at him. Sanders sneezed on Yoda, and Yoda smiled lovingly at him. Finally, Yoda spoke, his small green sausage fingers pointing up at Sanders. "You, Colonel Sanders, I love."  
Sanders coughed on him, his beautiful bucket eyes flaming. He roared, "I only have one love, my franchise!"  
Yoda was heartbroken, starting to cry green, dusty slime. Sanders groaned, coughing on the green man. "There. Better? Now, if you don't mind, me and KFC have a date."  
Sanders pointed at a patch of grass, and it was set aflame, the fire turning to a golden hurricane, before it evaporated into a flaming bucket of chicken.  
The old man rolled his eyes, scoffing. "Chicky, you know I love you, but sometimes you're a fried showoff."  
Sanders snapped his fingers, and both him and "Chicky" disappeared, leaving a crumby mist in their wake, which got in Yoda's face.  
He coughed and sputtered, wiping his eyes. "Get you back, Chicky, I will!"  
Yoda stormed off to his hobbit hole, looking for his green lightsaber, shouting incoherent happy noises when he found the gray handle. "Battle be prepared for, my love."  
The small green man flicked his wrist, and a green fluorescent light filled the small space, accentuating the wrinkles of his old and baggy skin.  
Yoda sat for what felt like years, waiting for Sanders to arrive.  
Finally, the white hair of Yoda's ears stood on end at the sound of Colonel Sanders saying goodnight to Chicky, buy not eithout saying, "Dang it, Chicky! You forgot to pay the bill!"  
Yoda looked down sadly, knowing after this battle, he'd never see that chubby and greasy old man again.  
The toad looking man made a hitting motion with his hand, and his home collapsed, revealing the pitch black sky. Sanders looked over at the sound of something collapsing on itself, curious. Once he relaized it was only Yoda's home getting ruined, he rolled his eyes, starting to walk to his bucket's door.  
This only fueled the frog's rage, and he yelled, "To Sanders, prepare die!"

Sanders raised an eyebrow before he spun around. "Scuse me?"  
Yoda almost stepped dowm hearing that lovely voice, but then he remembered Chicky. "Die you will. Fight me you will!"  
Sanders laughed. "You're going to fight me?!"  
The old Kentucky man finally noticed the strange gloeing stick. "Yer fightin' me with a child's glowstick?"  
Sanders grinned. "Yer goin' down, you disgustin' piece o' slime!"  
He stretched his right hand, and a single crumb appeared in his hand. Sanders yelled, "Kentucky fricta Pullus!"  
Suddenly, the crumb rose fifty feet into the air, exploding into even smaller pieces. They shook in the sky, growing. Once they were all three feet long, they flew together, fusing into a twelve foot long fried katana.  
The greasy weapon disappeared in flames before reappearing in Sander's hands. He snickered, smirking. "It's not too late to realize your mistake, Yoda."  
Yoda shook his head, swishing his lightsaber for dramatic effect, emphasizing his answer.  
Sanders shrugged. "Yer funeral."  
Fried chicken emerged from the ground, raising Sanders to the sky. They surged forwards, about to swallow Yoda in the fried goodness, but Yoda swung his hand up, and the chicken wave parted, whizzing past.  
Sanders was dumbfounded and angry. No one but him could control his food. The colonel swung his arm around, and wave of fried chicken drove him back to his yard. He cracked his neck, hopping off of the chicken and running towards Yoda, sword raised. Chicken clashed with pure energy, and it was sliced in half. Yoda laughed but not for long, as crumbs flew into his mouth and he screamed the only coherent sentence in his life. "I'm VEGAN!" Yoda evaporated into a fog of green mist, and Sanders laughed. "You fool, didn't ya read the warnin' label? My chicken kills vegans if it comes in contact with their mouths. Yer own ignorance let me win! My franchise is the best, and it's certainly better than you!" Sanders stood triumphant, before his happiness faded into an indescribable feeling as he thought of Yoda. He realized that frog man...was beautiful. A fried lump formed in his Kentucky throat. Sanders loved Yoda, and now Yoda was gone. A KFC flavored depression swept over Sanders. Yoda was gone forever. Sanders would never find fried happiness, especially not with Chicky. Colonel wept oily grease, the tears streaking his face. He threw his katana to the ground, and willed the Kentucky fried chicken of the world to do his bidding. Chicken emerged from the ground, carrying him to the top of his bucket home. He stood in silence, staring at the caved in home of thag beloved toad. "I'll see you soon, you mold." Sanders leapt off the bucket, getting swalloerd by his KFC, and dragged into the Earth. Around the world, people screamed as KFC restaurants were swallowed into the ground, and the franchise died, never to be enjoyed again.

**Author's Note:**

> I made this years ago for a class assignment. I thought it was lost until someone found it in their own papers. I am posting it right away!! Grammatical issues and typos are staying in order to not stray from the original.  
> None of this is canonically correct! ObViOuSlY. Also, I do not own either of these characters, ahahahaha don't sue me I am so sexy


End file.
